ATTN: Girlboss need apply (herself)

Recently, I bought a notebook. Yes, again.

I am using it to outline some goals and take charge of my finances.

… Yes, again.

No, but really this time. Do you guys have any idea how many notebooks and 5 Year Plans^tm I’ve gone through? You don’t have any clue because you don’t know me, but let’s just say the figure is well into the hundreds. I have commitment issues and I hold my notebooks close to my heart. What else can I say?

Well, this time it’s going to be different. We all have our own excuses and reasoning for why our plans don’t fall through, but this girl is done. I really am.

I am going to be 21 this year, and that makes me sound so young. I’ve gone through a lot at my age, so I feel much older than I really am. And yet, my most childish trait is my inability to budget. I’m like a toddler in a candy store. I see a sale at Target and there is no telling me “no”. I’m ashamed to admit that my boyfriend has had to wheel me out of a store before due to this very reason. It went something like this:

Boyf: Babe, really?
Me: I really need this! I always say how much I want this and here it is!
Boyf: I'm leaving you.

Okay, he left to the coffee shop next door. But this ordeal ended with me sitting on the floor in the store and seriously debating my sanity and my relationship with my boyfriend. I mean, my logic was sound, right? The desire to purchase that item was not going to go away any time soon, and when would it ever be on sale again? Plus, there were a million and one ways I could utilize this product. I felt incomplete without it. I conjured mental images of how it would look in our home.

Two hours later, once my blood pressure was through the roof, I texted my boyfriend in despair.

Me: I didn't do it, come get me.
Him: I'm outside.
Me: No, like come get me. I'm on the floor.

What makes it so easy for my boyfriend to not buy things? How can he walk away from things he desires and just not care anymore? How can one just not subscribe to FOMO? Can we unsubscribe to FOMO?

I went back the following day to buy my product anway, and guess what? It was gone. I was so beyond heartbroken. I still am. I have a hole in my heart for it.

Wanna know what it was?

A ceramic figurine of a cow, painted black and then decorated with a white skeleton and red flowers on its head. It was $32.

I WANT MY DAMN COW. HER NAME WOULD HAVE BEEN POPPY. But now she’s probably in someones garden somewhere, or worse, being played with by children.

Anyway, in my notebook, I wrote out some short term habits I want to form.

  1. “Me money”. This means setting aside $100 every paycheck to use as “me” money. “Me” purchases fall under things like cosmetics, desserts, shoes, etc. That sounds disgustingly low but I’m working a $10/hr job in an expensive area right now. Life is rough.
  2. Untouchable funds. All the rest of my money goes to my bills, and the remainder becomes untouchable except in case of emergency.

That should be enough, right? Simple enough? Well, this paycheck I already went over. I caved and bought ice cream for myself… and the family. But who can buy ice cream for just themselves!? I’m not a barbarian.. people have feelings too.

The next paycheck is another chance to get it together. My plan is not bad, I am bad. I just need to apply myself.

… and maybe come up with a better plan.

Sophia Amoruso, send a girl a sign!